11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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