I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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