If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
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The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
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If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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