just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize