if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
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You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i believe in u and ur pee
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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