i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
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Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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