I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize