He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
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They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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