Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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