you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
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Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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