This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
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Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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