Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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