Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize