Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
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I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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