Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize