I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
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Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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