I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
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She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
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I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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