i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
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in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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