Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize