We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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