It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize