OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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