when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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