The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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