I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
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It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
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Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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