she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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