I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
barbara walters just said penis...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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