Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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