I could have mohawked her pubes.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize