They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
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they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
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And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize