i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
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Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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