I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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