My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
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No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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