ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
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We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize