You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I forget how to act sober
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize