6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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