Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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