I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize