tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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