Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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