It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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