I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize