im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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