i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
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I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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