can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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