After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
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she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
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you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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