I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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