omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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