You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize