my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
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In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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